The time has come to bid Eau Claire, Wisconsin farewell. After 27 years, I am moving back to Utah. I am excited, sad and a little unsure about it all. Totally excited to FINALLY be going home. I have longed for, prayed for and petitioned for this day for many years. I never thought I'd be here this long. I expected 5 years maybe. I'm excited to be able to see nieces and nephews when they are newborns instead of preschoolers. I'm excited to climb the mountains. I am excited to see the temple daily. And I'm excited to get to know my siblings as adults.
I'm sad to leave beautiful Eau Claire; the green green grass that I don't have to water; the variety of trees that develop beautiful vibrant colors in the fall; and all the many friends I have made here over the years. I am mostly sad that I will leave one of my children here. He may be grown up and I may not see him more than 2 minutes a week from a distance, but at least I see him. This area of the country has become part of me. I have lived here longer than I have ever lived anywhere else. I raised my family here. When I speak of family I know I will envision my life back in Eau Claire. I won't miss the winters though!
Having been away from the close ties of family for so long, I am leery about the reunion. What will life be like after the honeymoon period is over? Every time I visit my family, I get to a point that I just want to go home, but I've never had a home in Utah to go to. I want to do my own thing, clean my own house, cook my own meals or go out. I get tired and frustrated. Every day seems like such a hassle and it takes FOREVER do anything. I try to be patient. I remind myself that they all have little ones to get ready and I don't, but it feels like things move at a very viscous pace.

Winding up and down and limbo

The garden is winding down. I was given some watermelon plants this year and took a chance and planted them kind of late in the year. I hoped to get MAYBE  one, hopefully two eatable watermelon out of them. Well, tonight I went and harvested 5 nice sized melons. The biggest and heaviest one fell out of my arms and split in two when it hit the ground. It's beautiful red color begged me not to leave it there. It had landed on the rind, so I decided it was salvageable. Boy am I glad I brought it home. I haven't tasted a watermelon so sweet in years! It's as sweet and sticky as candy. I hope the other 3 are just as good. I took one to the neighbor and he said he'd be willing to take a chance on a garden watermelon. It's always a gamble for me. I can never tell if it sounds hallow when I know on watermelon; they all sound the same.
As the garden winds down, school and work are winding up. I guess gearing up is the correct phrase but it doesn't go with winding up and down.
I usually get a couple calls to substitute teach about a month after school starts. This year I started working the second day of school. Then I got a couple calls directly from the teachers asking if I could work which lead to being in the right place at the right time and getting more jobs. One of which was a full on, full day teaching job. I was so apprehensive about it but it turned out okay. Only one student took advantage of the situation but he turned it around by the time I had him at the end of the day. The worst part about being a sub for me is not knowing the students names. It makes it really hard to call on students so I end up doing all the talking. I hate that. The students don't learn nearly as much when the teacher does all the talking.
This summer I learned my ex had moved to Texas. To test it, because the source is not the most honest person, I sent him a large envelope with some paperwork. I sent it certified and restricted, which means only the person it is addressed to can sign for it. I sent the envelope was sent to his last known address and the post office immediately forwarded it to Texas. He was given 2 notices that it was at the post office and he had 15 days to pick it up. He never picked it up and it was sent back to me. Next, I talked to a lawyer to find out what my options were. After a bit of a conversation, he said I would need to comply with the court order, which is to send notice to my ex stating when and where I am moving, file the same notice with the clerk of court and then go; move; pack up. So last Friday I sent another certified, restricted notice to my ex at the last known address. I had to wait until Monday to file with the clerk of courts because they close at 3:00 pm. (I got off work at 2:45 that day). Now I wait. Wait for the envelope to either be picked up or returned to me. The first notice has been given. If it isn't picked up, it will be sent back to me on October 10. I should know by October 12 if I am free to move. Everyday I have little anxiety attacks out of what seems like nowhere. Then I realize I am thinking of that envelope sitting in the post office in Whitehall, and hoping and praying that he doesn't pick it up and it is returned to me on October 10. In the meantime, I'll close down my garden, work and finish a quilt or two for charity. Oh ya, and pack my house and 30 years of stuff.
Anyone know what to do with an old, not gonna move it, couch and chair? They are trash, not fit for human use (but the mouse/mice sure loved them!)

Garden journal

As the 2012 garden season winds down, I have been thinking of all the things I've learned about gardening. One thing that I think has really had a huge impact on my thinking this year is the fact that fewer and fewer people are gardening as a way of sustaining themselves through the winter.  Gardens seem to be getting smaller and fewer people are preserving what they harvest. I told my son just the other day as I prepared the beans for the canner, that he was going to have to learn how to can the produce from the garden because chances are, his wife will not know how. 
So, what I have learned so far; Each person needs 100 square feet of garden to produce enough to eat through the winter; planting a few seeds of corn at a time instead of the whole packet at once is a lot easier to manage at harvest time. (I had to replant my corn 3 times this summer because only a few seeds sprouted each time. Now, at harvest time, I have picked a few ears of corn at a time. Just enough to eat and process without becoming overwhelmed.) 70 seeds of beans produces just about enough beans for me for the winter. My colander full of prepared beans is enough for the 9 jars in the canner. Don't plant the winter squash next to the beans unless you have a really sturdy support for your beans. Next year I will plant the 3 sisters (winter squash, corn, and beans) in just that order to help reduce the squash bugs and bean beetles and keep the squash from growing up the bean supports.
And lastly, 32 pepper plants are a lot of plants! Nathan is experimenting with pepper seeds this year. He wants to see if the packet is right when it says the peppers will be ready in so many days. He is really enjoying the plants. He recorded the days of germination for each one. He waters them faithfully, and checks on them 2-3 times a day; Just to see what the flowers look like, how big the peppers are and compare the size of the plants. (there are supposed to be 5 kinds of peppers in the packet.) He says they are "more fun that a pet" and calls them his "babies. " He says it will be hard to pull up the plants this fall.

Just a couple of random thoughts

The other day I was watching a popular talk show when one of the guests said, talking about taking care of her children, "I've always done it on my own, he was never around to help." She was lamenting the fact that her now ex-husband was never around and she had to care for the children and house by herself but she didn't "get rid" of her husband earlier because she didn't want to be alone. The realization was, she WAS alone; all those years she was still married to her husband she was alone, because he was never there.
For the past couple of years I have been lamenting the fact that I am now all alone. I have no husband anymore. Like the woman on the talk show, my ex-husband was never around either. I took care of the house and the kids all by myself. I have been almost paralyzed since the divorce, trying to understanding how to move forward without a husband; without being married. How do I do my job and his? What is my job? What was his? Well, wake up! I don't have to wonder anymore. I just keep doing what I have always done. I keep taking care of the kids and the house...by myself, like I have always done. The jobs that he did do...he called/paid someone to do. I CAN DO THAT! I think painting the house last weekend helped me come to this understanding too.
Next thought: This morning I went downstairs to find Nathan watching the History channel. (One of his favorite channels) The topic of the show was the history of wheat and bread. The host described all the different kinds of wheat. Where it is grown, and what kinds of products are typically made from the flour ground from the different types of wheat. We learned about Italian pasta, breads, crackers, and pastries. Then all of a sudden, Nathan jumps up off the couch and says, "This makes me want to make some bread. Will you help me." I said I would, and warned him it would take hours and that bread is not an easy thing to make. He assured me he didn't care. He really wanted to make some bread. So we did. He got out my old green cookbook from the 1950's and searched for "yeast bread." We made the first recipe he came to. After kneading the dough for 5 out of the 10 minutes required, he concluded that a baker must be pretty buff because of the muscles used kneading all those loaves of bread in the bakery everyday. As the loaf was rising, he said he likes cooking and his new hobby is making bread. Oh Boy! We started around 10:00 this morning and ate our first slices of Crusty French Bread around 2:00 this afternoon. It was worth the work.

My Plan

Today I started a program with the student's today to help our study hall be a quiet place where the students can work. I know today was the honeymoon, but they were perfect. They received all 10 points for the day. I still need to tweek it. They get too many chances to behave before they get a strike against them. I have talked to a couple of people and they agree that 3 strikes is plenty of chances per day. The fifth graders are old enough to know what is expected of them. They don't need warnings before they get a strike. Heck, they get 3 strikes a day-that's plenty of chances.
At the end of the day I found out, via email, that my professor will be coming to observe me next Tuesday morning. Hope I am ready.

First week is done

I made it through the first week of student teaching with only a couple of bumps and bruises. I was able to go through the schedule today, going from room to room, without looking at the printed schedule. I know the names of most of the students I will work with. And I'm starting to understand what my roll is in their school day. I do feel like the teaching part is not going to be a problem. The university assignments on the other hand are scaring me; progress monitoring, behavior management, assessments, writing an IEP.
Hopefully my co-operating teacher, Kelly, will be feeling better by Monday and will be able to come to school. I am ready for direction and instruction from her.
It was frustrating today, to watch the math lesson; three inches on a four inch line is not three fourths, it's three inches; seven inches on a ten inch line is not seven tenths, it's just seven inches. I don't feel it's my place to contradict the teacher, but I should have said something. The idea was to use the same length unit (a foot) and divide it into different sizes (halves, thirds, eighths) to show how the same size unit can be divided. That's going to have to be re-taught.
I think the worst part of the week was the two occasions when students flat out refused to do what I asked them to do. I will definately have to think about what I am going to do in the future as a student teacher and in my own classroom in these situations. I don't feel comfortable going to the student's regular teacher but that is what I did this week. I think doing that shows the students I'm not really in charge, and indicates to the teacher that I'm not capable of handling it. It undermines me. At this point I don't know what behavior management procedures are being used. I felt really frustrated and at a total loss when the students just plain said no and refused to budge when I gave them directions. From my last semester experience, I learned that it is not good to cottle the students and that is what one teacher has observed about new teachers she works with. I try to think, "how would I handle this situation with my own children." That doesn't always work because I can't yell at the students and I can't pick them up and carry them. Hmm, do I treat the student's with more respect than my own children?
I have concluded that the professors are teaching us how to have the most ideal classroom. What I noticed this week is, classrooms don't work like that. Student's don't sit and pay attention perfectly. Teachers don't teach perfectly, it's ok to not know it all. And classrooms don't run without glitches. I should strive for the ideal classroom but I shouldn't get too discouraged when things don't go perfectly. Even the seasoned teachers I have observed this week, have lost instructional time for one reason or another and students waste time.

meet and greet

Today was my first day as a student teacher and the meet and greet didn't turn out so well. The regular teacher will be out all week. So I met the sub. The regular aide was out today. So I met the sub. So out of the three adults in the room, no one was familiar with the students! But everything turned out just fine. The students didn't test us much and were actually quite helpful. I saw a student from my last placement who transferred to Altoona just after Christmas. I also got to see and say hi to a couple of girls from church who are new to this country. I'm so glad I introduced myself to them Sunday.
From what I saw today, I anticipate behaviors from learned helplessness to oppositional behavior. Most of the students simply avoided the assignments. Especially if reading was involved. I can understand their not wanting to read. I hated reading until sometime after I had graduated from high school. It's still not the first thing I think of to do if I have some spare time, but I do look forward to reading when I hear about a good book.
I've decided I need to get to bed by 9:00 each evening to be at my best in the morning. Hopefully I can get myself to bed by then. Think the kids will go to bed by then too? I'll need to write down a schedule to see where all my responsibilities will fit before I know if I am just dreaming about the full night's sleep.